Report Card comes out on Thursday...
I'm actually satisfied with my marks. I thought I screwed up every subject but I passed everything, could've done better in Math and Hindi. My dad is on my case since the beginning of this week. Today, he comes home late and I open the door while holding Divergent in my other hand. He sees the bokk and gives that disappointed glare. "You're reading story books? You're in 10th grade. Be serious. Wait till your Open House..." In my defence, there was nothing to revise. Math teacher took the Probabiluty chapter which is the easiest and simplest one and there was no homework. Social Studies teacher, started a bit of Popular Movements and Struggles chapter, which I already revised in class. All the other subjects, we just skimmed through the basic concepts and other un-revisable crap. Oh, and there's also this other point which I'd love to make. I'M STILL FREAKIN' DEPRESSED ABOUT MY NEW CLASS. I still stand out...My grades have fallen a bit. My attention span in class is pathetic. I keep imagining what my best friend would do and say at certain points. I'm class-sick. (It sounds classic....Heh, the irony.) Tonight at dinner, just to spark a conversation I remind him about the Career Aptitude Test on November 16th. "Let me see after your Open House."
"Dad, it's Career Aptitude Test."
"What career? Let me see your grades, then we'll think abou your grades."
Thanks for the support dad. It's not like I've been freakin' out internally about how my report card will look. And you know what hurt me the most? Almost everyday he tells that we're different from other families. I figured that meant that we should support each other even more. I know I'm lethargic, but I do try to help out. Everytime he gets drunk, he tells me his problems like I'm the councellor. Fine. But I don't tell him anything. I don't tell him how left out I feel in my class. I don't tell him how I'm losing my friends rapidly. I don't tell him that I need help with studies. I know that he already has his plate full of bull shit. But this is just...I don't know what word to use here. But it just makes me feel even shittier. I can't tell my best friend any of this because she already has trouble in her house and on top of that she got involved in some complicated friendship shit. I don't need to add my problems to that pile. And I can't talk to anyone else, so here I am. Blogging about my life. Giving me one more reason as to why I should just quit living. I'm seriously running out of reasons to live...