The PT meeting wasn't too bad...for me anyway. My sister apparently failed in three subjects, and that's something since I don't think anyone in my family ever failed in any subject. And the fact that she's in 8th grade doesn't help. My teacher asked my dad if I was aggressive at home /)_- Da fuck?! Just because Ishowed attitude towards her once doesn't mean I'm aggressive! She goes like "You'll be surprised that I notice all these things." I can still hear a weird, old aged voice in my head. Ugh. I'm not surprised, because from Day 1 you've been bragging about how you're a psychologist and blah blah. Well, I have no idea how you got your degree but you suck at it. Judgemental adults...
Oh, and I choked on my tears when I told my dad that I won't get my usual complants last night. I don't even know why! I open my mouth, and my throat suddenly feels contracted and I'm on the verge of shedding tears. I seriously hate being this sentimental -_- I seem to cry for a lot of things lately, which sucks because it makes me feel weak and I happen to hate that feeling. Fick dich, sie emotionale zentrum meines gehirns. <--- That is German, cortsey of Google Translate. It feels good to cuss in a different language xD

I don't know why, but I hate being a hypocrite. Telling people that everyone has a worth, you should never give up, keep moving forward etc. I know others who are hypocrites in the same manner. I know, cause a few admitted it. I know I'm helping others, but it just sucks that I don't believe it myself. My friend skips meals and I tell her not to. Even though, I myself skip lunch and dinner most of the time. I guess every caring teenager (aka non-bitches) is a hypocrite. I'm not saying I'm caring but yeah...I'm a hypocrite. I want people to live their whole life, even though I think about ending mine every night. I relieve some of these depressjng thoughts by posting depredding pics on Google+. I'm so damn complicated. People would respond to most of those pics saying "Hugs" or "Everything will be okay" or even (this is my least favorite response) "Tell me what's wrong. I can help." I can't tell you what's wrong. I just can't. And most of the time I act crazy and food-driven online. In reality, I do act crazy when I feel super fucked up and I don't eat much. My life is just filled with internal ironies...

Report Card comes out on Thursday...
I'm actually satisfied with my marks. I thought I screwed up every subject but I passed everything, could've done better in Math and Hindi. My dad is on my case since the beginning of this week. Today, he comes home late and I open the door while holding Divergent in my other hand. He sees the bokk and gives that disappointed glare. "You're reading story books? You're in 10th grade. Be serious. Wait till your Open House..." In my defence, there was nothing to revise. Math teacher took the Probabiluty chapter which is the easiest and simplest one and there was no homework. Social Studies teacher, started a bit of Popular Movements and Struggles chapter, which I already revised in class. All the other subjects, we just skimmed through the basic concepts and other un-revisable crap. Oh, and there's also this other point which I'd love to make. I'M STILL FREAKIN' DEPRESSED ABOUT MY NEW CLASS. I still stand out...My grades have fallen a bit. My attention span in class is pathetic. I keep imagining what my best friend would do and say at certain points. I'm class-sick. (It sounds classic....Heh, the irony.) Tonight at dinner, just to spark a conversation I remind him about the Career Aptitude Test on November 16th. "Let me see after your Open House."
"Dad, it's Career Aptitude Test."
"What career? Let me see your grades, then we'll think abou your grades."
Thanks for the support dad. It's not like I've been freakin' out internally about how my report card will look. And you know what hurt me the most? Almost everyday he tells that we're different from other families. I figured that meant that we should support each other even more. I know I'm lethargic, but I do try to help out. Everytime he gets drunk, he tells me his problems like I'm the councellor. Fine. But I don't tell him anything. I don't tell him how left out I feel in my class. I don't tell him how I'm losing my friends rapidly. I don't tell him that I need help with studies. I know that he already has his plate full of bull shit. But this is just...I don't know what word to use here. But it just makes me feel even shittier. I can't tell my best friend any of this because she already has trouble in her house and on top of that she got involved in some complicated friendship shit. I don't need to add my problems to that pile. And I can't talk to anyone else, so here I am. Blogging about my life. Giving me one more reason as to why I should just quit living. I'm seriously running out of reasons to live...

I blame my Whovian friends for this crash course of feels. I know only one girl in school who is a Whovian and more than half my online friends are Whovians. Most of the posts I got were about Doctor Who. There was so much hype about it, that I was sorta pressured into watching it. Netflix wasn't available in my country, so I escaped the feels. Then my friend comes along and tells me to watch How I Met Your Mother on this other site which had a lot of TV Shows. I have a history of not fangirling about anything, except food. I'm sure fangirling about your soulmate doesn't count. Even Percabeth, I just liked ad shared a few posts about them. So I figured I'd probably stop after a few episodes and wonder what's so great about it, the same thing happened for all the other fandoms. So I watched the first episode, it was pretty okay. Sci-Fi isn't really my thing. I fall asleep to Star Wars. Anyway, a few more episodes later, I CAN'T STOP. And the bits of spoilers people were leaking out on Google+ didn't help. I kept watching, fangirled in school with that Whovian (who also happens to be a nerd whom I taught to awesome :P) for a while. DAVID TENNANT IS THE BEST. Matt Smith's cool too. Amy and Rory...I hate them for making this rollcoaster of feels even worse. And River Song. Hello Sweetie! (It's so hard to not reveal stuff on here!) I just saw Season 6 Episode 7 yesterday, and I literally had trouble breathing. I kept rewinding to that specific scene. So yeah, as much as I love the Doctor, I blame him for my lack of concentration during Phyics class. And also the doodles of the TARDIS in my Math notebook....