Google+...I think I'm going to blog a lot about it. The fact that the minute I wake up, I unlock my phone and go through the notifications, says it all. This morning, I go through my notifications as usual and there's this post on a certain RPG community. It's a long RP. I read it twice before letting it sink into my jelly-like brain. It was written (or typed. Whatever floats your boat.) by a good, online, friend. It's a small community, so I knew most of the members, and I could tell their reactions would be the same as mine. Maybe more, maybe less, it didn't matter. The RP was a detailed story of her character attempting and succeeding in suicide. And again, this is right after I wake up. I read through the comments and the reactions were obvious. Her response to them was: "I can't kill myself in real life, so I killed my character." I don't blame her. All teenagers feel like jumping off a cliff or bringing a blade to their wrist will get rid of the pain. I've thought about it, you might have thought about it, we've all thought about it. But will it really work? A lot of people love you, for you. And yes, the world is a better place with you in it. I know one girl who killed herself, and I still didn't get over it completely. You think you're helping others by subtracting yourself from their life but the sad truth is, it'll just make it worse. Everybody, who knows you, will blame themselves. It's not something you get over in a day or a week or something. No amount of time will erase the guilt they carry. When I saw that one comment, I know I don't know her in reality but she is a friend nonetheless and I'm very sentimental too (curse the female hormones!), I felt scared. Scared that she'd actually do in real. Scared that there are other teens pushed to the edge, and they want to give up. I've been wanting to give up for the past 5 years! And I'm only 14. The only reason I didn't was because of my dad. He'll blame it on himself. He'll be even more broken than he is now. My sister, no matter how much we hate each other, will fare no better. So I'm staying strong. For them. Shedding tears in the morning isn't a great way to start the day. I checked my second favorite community, RPC RPG, and there too three girls are RPing about cutting themselves. They probably do it reality too. Now, I feel that only my character, who actually RPs regularily, is the only female who's happy. Sort of. The usual fake happiness at least. I get it that they RP about it so they get comfort from their friends (that's my theory anyway) and I honestly don't mind. The thing is, I want to do it too. But if I do that, who'll comfort me? They clearly have their own problems, and me being an attention whore won't help. I don't want pity or sympathy. I need someone to understand. Someone who will make me feel...positive. I suppose I'll just wait till everyone is happy, yeah it is possible, I will make it possible, and then I'll just fade out. Everybody's happy therefore I'm happy.
I just realised how long this is...And I actually got 18 views yesterday. Who's reading this??