Google+...I think I'm going to blog a lot about it. The fact that the minute I wake up, I unlock my phone and go through the notifications, says it all. This morning, I go through my notifications as usual and there's this post on a certain RPG community. It's a long RP. I read it twice before letting it sink into my jelly-like brain. It was written (or typed. Whatever floats your boat.) by a good, online, friend. It's a small community, so I knew most of the members, and I could tell their reactions would be the same as mine. Maybe more, maybe less, it didn't matter. The RP was a detailed story of her character attempting and succeeding in suicide. And again, this is right after I wake up. I read through the comments and the reactions were obvious. Her response to them was: "I can't kill myself in real life, so I killed my character." I don't blame her. All teenagers feel like jumping off a cliff or bringing a blade to their wrist will get rid of the pain. I've thought about it, you might have thought about it, we've all thought about it. But will it really work? A lot of people love you, for you. And yes, the world is a better place with you in it. I know one girl who killed herself, and I still didn't get over it completely. You think you're helping others by subtracting yourself from their life but the sad truth is, it'll just make it worse. Everybody, who knows you, will blame themselves. It's not something you get over in a day or a week or something. No amount of time will erase the guilt they carry. When I saw that one comment, I know I don't know her in reality but she is a friend nonetheless and I'm very sentimental too (curse the female hormones!), I felt scared. Scared that she'd actually do in real. Scared that there are other teens pushed to the edge, and they want to give up. I've been wanting to give up for the past 5 years! And I'm only 14. The only reason I didn't was because of my dad. He'll blame it on himself. He'll be even more broken than he is now. My sister, no matter how much we hate each other, will fare no better. So I'm staying strong. For them. Shedding tears in the morning isn't a great way to start the day. I checked my second favorite community, RPC RPG, and there too three girls are RPing about cutting themselves. They probably do it reality too. Now, I feel that only my character, who actually RPs regularily, is the only female who's happy. Sort of. The usual fake happiness at least. I get it that they RP about it so they get comfort from their friends (that's my theory anyway) and I honestly don't mind. The thing is, I want to do it too. But if I do that, who'll comfort me? They clearly have their own problems, and me being an attention whore won't help. I don't want pity or sympathy. I need someone to understand. Someone who will make me feel...positive. I suppose I'll just wait till everyone is happy, yeah it is possible, I will make it possible, and then I'll just fade out. Everybody's happy therefore I'm happy.
I just realised how long this is...And I actually got 18 views yesterday. Who's reading this??

I'm jobless...And it's 2:11 AM...I feel sleepy but can't go to sleep, as usual. So I'm just killing time on Google+. I did get permission from my dad to make an account, he just doesn't know what Google+ really is. He trusts anything with Google before it. My first social networking account. At first I just added people I knew in real life. Later, I stumbled upon this amazing community called 'Camp Half-Blood RPG'. For those who are taking baby steps into the internet world, RPG stands for Role Playing Game. My first thought, it's probably just some geeks hanging out, like how they picture the geeks playing 'Dungeons and Dragons' on TV. But RPG's are far from geeky. So, I created a character sheet ('Hephaestus is the Bestus!' wise words from my cabin counselor) and started RPing. Slowly, I got to know a lot of peeps and they started adding me. So I'm like "Shemurr?! I can't add random strangers I met online!" I got this weird idea. Create a circle named 'RP', add them to that circle and nobody gets hurt. Later, I joined a bajillion other RPG  communities. I began talking to those 'RP friends' out of the RPG world, as in socialising about real life. Most of them live half way around the world. By that I mean America. But I stopped caring. I stopped wondering, who these people actually are. Whether they really are my friends or they just tag me along or because I keep liking and commenting on their posts. It does occassionally flicker in my mind, and I feel insecure for about a minute or two...then a notification comes about another comment, then Poof! I don't care anymore. I thought alchahol and drugs were addicting. Now I realise, social networking sites are no different. Oh, and the best part? I've told a few online friends about my dream of travelling the world and they told me to visit them. In my head: "OMG!! I'll finally get to meet them!! I just have to wait for...a decade...Will they even remember me then?...I don't want to look like a loser who goes around meeting people they barely know..." Bam! Hello? Insecurity?Yeah, you're welcome to make me feel like an unwanted person again!
But whether they really consider me as a friend or not, I'm still going to hope for the best. Some of the best I've met are Viv, Ren, Steph (I know you're stalking this blog -_-), Raph, Kev, Lea, Em (Sadly, she deleted her account, but she was still a good friend) Hails and Teen Quotes. I've got a good vocabulary, but I just can't find the right word to describe how these guys have helped me. By help I mean, making me feel important and helping me escape the harsh reality.
Okay...I think that's my longeat rant by far...I'm gonna go back to Google+ now. Adios.

And one of my online friend found this blog somehow -_- Yes, I'm talking about you, Steph! Actually, it's because of you I got this idea in the first place. The whole blog idea. Now stop right there, and close the tab!
I have nothing against Anime...Except it's crazy fandom! I call them Animaniacs. And I'm pretty sure it suits them. The worst thing is that, it looks like cartoon porn. The thin fabric the girls wear so that their EVERYTHING is seen. Oh, and my sister watches anime. That doesn't help either. And the animation is not that good either. Storyline, LAME. The guys do look hot though...I don't mean to offend any of you anime fans, this is just my opinion. And don't say "Don't knock it till you try it" I tried watching a few episodes of Fairytale and I didn't like.
So...I guess that's my rant for now...

Okay. First things first, on my second post, I got a comment saying it's a tough life. I couldn't reply because my laptop loves annoying me -_- So here's my response: Everybody leads a tough life. And it could be a lot worse, so I'm thankful it's not. And this is for everybody, I do not need pity or sympathy. I'm me, this is my life, I can handle it. This blog is just a way for me to not lose my mind in the process of living it.
So my last three entries were about the bad stuff that's happened so far. It's not all bad. Life has itsups and downs right? Me being an optimist, (yes, I love bragging about it xD) look at those. I've got amazing friends in real life. And then there are those epic ones I've met online. I've got an awesome dad. I'm doing pretty good in school. I'm very good at sports. Books take me to another world (That's good 'cause, I dunno...it just is) My dad's side of the family is very supportive. And there a lot more, I just can't think of it right now. Yeah, I'm blogging on the spot, what'd you expect? Me, of all people, to actually put effort into this? xD Naww! Well, If I can think of something else to write, I'll do it. Any suggestons?

I'll just continue from where I left off...
So 5 years. Hitting puberty was the worst and , surprisingly, one of the funniest times. I'll tell the stories later. This year, I went on vacation to India as usual. My parents signed a divorce petition there and got officially divorced in August. She got the house. My dad had taken a few loans and spent a lot of money for that house. But now it's gone down the drain. At first I was worried about the custody of the child part, since...well, a mom's a mom. But I guess Karma finally caught up with me, and I continue to live with my dad. So that's the prologue of my story so far. My life.
Now that I've vented out a part of my .....stress? Anger? Depression? I don't know. But I definitely feel better now :)

Okay. The last page got 14 views already /)_- How? I wasn't paying much attention and accidentally shared it on Google+. So if anyone actually came back to see the next post, what the hell is wrong with you?! I should've expected that, considering this is the internet...I would delete this if I wasn't desperate for relief. And I forgot to add a few things to the previous post. I have a sister who's 1 and a half years younger to me. I am from India but live abroad. I warn you right now that there will be mature content (by that I mean 16+) and cuss. So yeah...

.Everything was pretty normal 'TIL 3rd grade. That's when I noticed my parents were arguing more than usual. But me being a kid, didn't think  it was a big deal. Then one day, while my dad was at work and me and my sister were at school, my mom decides to pack up and run away. We got back from school, no one was answering the door, we stayed at the neighbor's/ best guy friend's  place 'til my dad came home with the spare keys. We went to police,, filed a man missing case, and found her at one of her friend's place. She did this again for like 3 times. Love is blind. My dad didn't seem fazed much with my mom's behavior. We bought a house in India, and he gave it to my mom (as in, legally she owns it). That's when my mom showed her true, bitchy, colours. She borrowed money from my dad's friend, bought a plane ticket and is living there happily. So for the past 5 years, I've been living with no mom. And the best part? I never thought I'd ever see my dad, the strongest man I know, cry. And thanks to my poor my poor excuse of a mom, I find him crying almost every fucking night.

I'm just gonna leave it here for now...

Okay...Do I start with the basics? I guess so...Nobody's gonna read this anyway xD And if you're unfortunate enough to stumble onto this blog, save yourself 'cause I be posting a lot of random rants...Shall I start?
A'ight, so...You don't need to know my real name, but if you want to hate on me and put a name in front of the beeps and '****' I'll go by Alex Valdez. I'm Indian and a Hindu. I'm not a racist nor...whatever you call a person who discriminates on basis of religion. I only mentioned it because the culture and practices are very different (obviously). I'm 14 years old. I'm in 10th grade, CBSE curriculum. It's not easy, mind you. I'm pretty much a normal teen, except my family is a little different. The reason I started this blog? I'm depressed internally and happy-go-lucky externally. So, to protect my last strand of sanity that I have left, I wanted to write a journal. When you have nosy family members like mine, and almost no hiding spots in the house, a blog sounds like a good idea. Better to be judged by people who don't know or barely know you than to be judged by people who do, right? The story of my life so far is still under-construction, I don't want it to sound to depressing so I'll try to insert lame jokes in between and stuff. And that's pretty much it for now...